Kept Page 34

Adrienne stayed around a minute longer, forcing exuberance into her words, but Miska refused to be affected. Finally her sister left, and in the silence that rumbled through her condo, Miska spread the contract across the island.

  So much money—and Adrienne said she could get more.

  No way could she make money off Darcie’s murder. But somehow she had to make a living. How?

  She climbed onto a stool. “God, I came to you because I want to live right.” A knot of emotion clogged her throat. “I’ve already quit my job. I’d planned on doing editing that honored you.”

  Not anymore. That dream had died. She dropped the contract and clenched her fists on top of it. “There’s only so much I know to do. I can edit, and I can—I can—” The pain overwhelmed her. “Where are you in this? Why don’t I have options?” She scrubbed her hands across her face. Was God done with her already? He’d finally realized who she was, and he’d dropped her? Because that’s what it felt like.

  She read the contract. The blog book, the tell-all book about her relationship with Mark—both for six figures. Her sin sensationalized for entertainment in exchange for a roof and utilities, for groceries when Mark’s gift cards ran out—

  She groaned. “I can’t use those.”

  She left the island for views of Grant Park. Buckingham Fountain still held court in the center, the outside jets spraying water over the center basins.

  Whatever happened, this part of her life, this dream of downtown Chicago, was over.

  It was all over.

  She pressed her hand against the sun-baked glass. “I don’t have any options, God, except to keep following you. Just—please.” She mashed her lips together. “Please don’t let me go.”

  Like her father had. Like her brothers had. Like all the men in her life had. Like Dillan would, once he found out what was coming.

  Because he needed to know. Everyone did, really. Tracy, Amanda, Jordan, Matt, Cam—they all deserved to hear it from her.

  And when it was over, it’d be just her and God. And maybe Tracy.

  Probably Tracy.

  That would be enough. It had to be.

  She pushed off from the glass. Just her and God. And whatever bits of life he left her.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Dillan entered the singles’ room that night with a growling stomach and a headache. He picked a row halfway back and sat as the room filled. Garrett and Cam took the chairs beside him while Tracy, Miska, and Amanda chose the other end of the row in front of him.

  Just as he’d hoped.

  It seemed like everyone had shown up tonight. Even Ethan walked in and plopped onto the chair beside Garrett, going right into his usual shtick. Dillan ignored him and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, fingers linked.

  Miska smoothed her cream pants over her knee, then smoothed them again. And again.

  He tilted his head to get a better view.

  She was quiet, somber. Tracy and Amanda talked beside her, seemingly unaware that something was off.

  Ethan leaned into his vision. He grinned and tipped his head toward Miska. “You like?”

  “Knock it off.” Dillan sat back, tucking his legs beneath the chair in front of him.

  “No one would blame you, man. Who wouldn’t want some of that?”

  Garrett stiffened between them.

  Dillan reached across Garrett and grabbed the jerk’s arm. “Shut your mouth, Ethan. Don’t say another word about her.”

  Ethan wrenched his arm away, eyebrows jumping toward his hairline, and nudged Garrett. “He doesn’t know?”

  If the man said a word—

  Garrett pushed Dillan back. “Dillan’s right, dude. No more. Let her start fresh.”

  Ethan studied Garrett, then shrugged and slouched in his seat, arms crossed.

  “Dude.” Garrett hissed in Dillan’s ear. “Chill.”

  He sucked in a deep breath. “I can’t stand him.”

  “Really?” Garrett’s mouth twitched. “I say you ask her out already.”

  Honestly… He looked Miska’s way again. It was tempting.

  “No excuse this time? Whoa. I need a moment.”

  Cam leaned in from Dillan’s other side. “What are you girls whispering about?”

  Garrett leaned across Dillan. “I’m expounding on the wisdom of him asking Miska out.”

  Cam grinned at Dillan. “He’s a little stupid.”

  He was stupid? “Says the guy who dates the new girl for two weeks, then ends it.”

  “Except this new girl. Why do you think that is?”

  Cam was waiting for him to ask Miska out?

  “Do it, Foster.”

  “Right. Like she’d—”

  Cam deepened his voice. “Do it.”

  Garrett snickered.

  Throughout the night, Dillan continued to watch her. While she listened to the discussion, she didn’t contribute, and the sadness on her face never faded.

  She looked heartbroken. Why?

  She glanced over her shoulder, her dark eyes meeting his.

  He wrinkled his eyebrows in question. If only he could pull her close and ask what was wrong. Ask if there was anything he could do. Anyone else he could tell to back off.

  Her mouth shifted into a smile. She shook her head a little, then looked back at Austin behind the podium.

  Dillan didn’t look away. Who cared who noticed? Her past didn’t matter to him. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else either.

  Garrett and Cam were right. He should ask her out.

  The discussion wrapped up, and Dillan closed his study guide after Garrett did, aware that he hadn’t caught much of the night. Austin could have been teaching Islam for all he knew. He glanced Miska’s way again.

  “Prayer requests?” Austin asked.

  Miska shifted in her seat.

  Four people shared requests for job concerns and sick family members.

  Then Miska raised her hand.

  Austin nodded at her.

  She stood, fingers twisting together. She sent a nervous smile over the room. “I, umm, have something I need to share.”

  Dillan’s gut tightened.

  She took a deep breath. Exhaled. Met his gaze, then looked at her feet. “You all know I became a Christian a few weeks ago. Tracy helped me get there. I’ll always love her for that.”

  Tracy flashed Dillan a smile.

  He forced one back.

  “Some of you know where I’ve come from, but most of you don’t. I want to clear that up.”

  No. He gritted his teeth. What was she doing?

  “If you’d known me three months ago, you would have said I’d be the last person to become a Christian. I was—”

  Silence hummed.

  Dillan clenched his fingers together, his knuckles turning white. She didn’t have to do this. Didn’t she know that? Who had planted this crazy idea in her head?

  She sucked in a deep breath. “I guess you could say the woman at the well had nothing on me.”

  Garrett’s arms were crossed over his chest, one hand fiddling with his collar while he stared at the seatback in front of him. Beyond him, Ethan mirrored his position, but his eyes were locked on Miska.

  “I was involved with someone for a while. This man who—” Her words vanished. She rubbed her fingertips across her throat. “His wife recently died, and…”

  Dillan leaned forward, ran his hand through his hair. A whisper from the back floated across the room. He should say something. Shouldn’t he? Because it didn’t matter. Not anymore.

  “I’m telling you this because… because…”

  Dillan bit back a groan. “Miska—”

  She lifted a hand to silence him. “I want you all to hear it from me. I’ve learned that the police believe he killed his wife and that they’ll be arresting him. And I know my name—” She shoved hair away from her face. “My name will be linked to his.”

  Miska. Dillan rested his forehead in his palm, studied the smudge of dirt on his Nikes.
>
  “I’d asked him to leave his wife for me, and realizing now what he did, because of what I said—” Her voice trembled. “I have so much regret. I never meant for him to—to—”

  Tracy’s quiet voice reached his ears. “Miska, we know.”

  Dillan lowered his hand over his eyes, used his ring finger to clear one eye, then another.

  “I don’t even know what to ask you guys to pray for. I want to find out the truth of what happened to his wife. I need to know how much I’m to blame for it, and where—” her voice shuddered “—where to go from here. I’ve been working for some publishers, editing stuff a Christian has no business editing, and as soon as I realized that, I quit. I’ve applied for jobs with Christian publishers. I want to live for God, you know? But now I find out what Mark’s done and…”

  He forced himself to look at her. Her hair had fallen around her lowered face, but he could still see her mouth quiver. Hear her draw a shaky breath.

  “I have no job, and no one is going to hire someone involved in a scandal like this.”

  Behind the podium, Austin shifted. “Maybe they won’t hear about it.”

  “They’ll hear. It’s Mark Scheider.”

  Ethan’s hand dropped from his mouth. He stared at Garrett, then glanced over his shoulder at the back of the room, shaking his head at someone.

  Miska was right. The story would be all over ESPN, all over the internet, all over national news.

  “I’ve been offered money for my story, but I can’t do that. I just—I don’t know what to do. I need a job. I need direction on where to go from here and how to… how to handle this, how to get up in the morning knowing another woman is dead because of me.” She laughed a harsh, biting laugh. “A woman and her child.” She twisted her hands together and dropped onto her seat. “Thank you.”

  The room stayed silent, but people glanced at each other.

  Dillan looked at Austin who looked back with wide eyes. Go on, Dillan mouthed.

  Austin blinked, clearly at a loss.

  Yeah, this wasn’t the type of thing you discussed in Bible college. Pray, he mouthed.

  Austin asked for volunteers to pray for Miska and the other requests. Cam volunteered. Then Garrett. Jordan. Two others. Austin never looked Dillan’s way, never let him volunteer.

  Maybe that was for the best. Miska needed to know how much this group loved her, regardless of her history; and as the prayers rose, one after the other, it was clear that they did.

  *****

  The prayers destroyed what little control she had.

  Cam prayed that she’d know God’s forgiveness and that He’d give her direction for the future. Garrett prayed for safety and wisdom when the story became public. Jordan prayed for comfort through whatever was coming. On and on the care went. It was enough. It was too much.

  And yet it wasn’t enough; Dillan had stayed out of it.

  Sure, he’d said her name once, tried to stop her before she spilled it all. But once she had, he hadn’t been able to look at her, had kept his gaze on the ground.

  The prayers ended, and she tried to erase her tears, but people surrounded her, loved on her, gave her hugs and encouragement. Garrett and Cam even gave her decent guy hugs and told her to hang in there, that it would be okay.

  Would it?

  People she didn’t know very well told her they’d be praying for her. She thanked them but couldn’t help looking past the people around her at the one person who mattered most. The one who’d stayed out of the circle of support and talked to Austin beside the podium.

  What did he think now?

  He gave Austin a pat on the back, glanced at the crowd around her, then left.

  No, it would never be okay.

  Chapter Fifty

  On the other side of the kitchen island, Dad sat up on his stool, eyebrows raised. “When you make up your mind, you don’t waste time, do you?”

  Miska closed the oven door on the tilapia, smiling at the truth in his words. Dad’s thoughts about her quitting New York were just like Mom’s words when she’d moved there before she’d even found a job.

  Mom, Dad, a family she didn’t even know— “You ever think about getting us all together?”

  “Yes. At least the seven of you who speak to me.”

  “I’d love that. We could be a family for the first time.”

  “Family’s important.”

  Words she’d never expected from him. “It is.”

  He opened his mouth to say more, but a familiar knock sounded on her door.

  Miska grabbed the counter’s edge.

  “What is it?”

  She held a finger over her mouth. “It’s Adrienne.” Of all the days for her sister to drop in.

  “Get the door. I’ll keep quiet.”

  “No, hide in my bedroom. Shut the door, and don’t make a sound.”

  He hurried away.

  The knock came again.

  Miska sucked in a breath and blew it out. “Coming,” she called, hoping her voice sounded normal. She took her time down the hallway and opened the door, pretending surprise. “Hey, girl. What’re you doing here?”

  “I came to ask you about the contract.” Adrienne brushed past her. “Have you made up your mind?”

  “Oh. No. Not yet.” She followed Adrienne to the couch. “I thought you said I could take a week.”

  “Paul doesn’t like that you hid the blog. Keep it up. We can post that the book is coming and increase your readership in the meantime.”

  No way was she putting the blog back up. “Adrienne, I’m not taking any book offer.”

  “Of course you are. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

  “I won’t profit from it.”

  Adrienne rolled her eyes.

  “Mark may go to jail because of me. Darcie and a baby are dead because of—”

  “Because of you. I know. When will you realize that you’re not responsible for what he did? You’re not taking advantage of him or anyone else. You’re just making the best of a sad, sad situation.”

  “No. I could never live with myself.”

  Miska held Adrienne’s gaze. Her sister broke eye contact first. Sighing, she glanced at the kitchen. “Smells like you’ve got fish cooking—” She straightened. Her gaze landed on the table set for two. “What’s this? Got a date?”

  She swallowed the sudden rush in her throat. “He’ll be here soon.”

  “Who is it? Dillan? If you’re already cooking fish, he must be nearby.”

  Closer than Adrienne realized. “It’s not Dillan.”

  “Garrett?”

  “Seriously? You think I’d date Tracy’s ex?”

  “Why not? They broke up.”

  “Thanks to you.”

  Adrienne waved the words away. “I’ll go. Have fun with your mystery man.”

  “I will.” Miska followed her around the couch.

  “You’re not dressed for a date, though.”

  “Maybe I’m not dating the way I used to.”

  “Whatever makes you happy, Miska.” She paused beside the island. “But just because—” Her gaze locked onto something by the barstools. She stepped closer and tilted her head.

  Miska did the same.

  Dad’s leather messenger bag leaned against the barstool’s legs.

  Adrienne nudged it. “Whose is this?”

  Miska’s hand covered her mouth before she could stop it.

  Adrienne looked up.

  Miska lowered her hand to her neck, hoping for nonchalance.

  “Is that Jack’s?”

  “No, it’s—”

  “Don’t lie to me.” Adrienne twisted, looking for him. “Where is he?”

  “He’s not here, Adrienne.”

  Adrienne swore at her, her eyes narrowed and dark. “You told me you weren’t seeing him. You said—”

  “You forced me!”

  “How could you lie to me?”

  “How could I want to have a relationship with one of
my parents? How could I want to know the one family member I actually look like?”

  “He doesn’t deserve to know us. It’s wrong.”

  “It is not wrong. You can make your own choices, Adrienne, but you can’t force them on me. My mom is gone. My brothers—” She laughed out her frustration. “Like we ever see each other. Dad is all I have left.”

  “Dad?” Adrienne stepped back. “You call him Dad?”

  The ultimate betrayal. Miska knew it. “It’s my decision to make. Not yours.”

  The bedroom door clicked open, and Adrienne turned toward the sound.

  Dad—Jack—stepped out, his smile wan. “Hello, Adrienne.”

  She raised her jaw, stared down her nose at him.

  He walked closer. “Now you know. We’ve been getting together almost weekly for… how long, Miska? Two months? Three?”

  What was he doing? “Awhile.”

  Adrienne’s gaze bore into her peripheral vision.

  “I meet with all of my kids. All except you and Alec.” He stopped at the other end of the island.

  Adrienne clung to her corner.

  “I don’t get together with the rest as much, but Miska and I—” He sent her a warm smile. “She and I are the closest.”

  “That’s enough.” Adrienne pushed her bag’s strap higher on her shoulder. “I can’t pretend this is okay, because it’s not. It’s me or him, Miska.”

  “Adrienne, calm down. Just—wait a minute. Think.”

  “Oh, I have. Either he stays a part of your family, or I do. There isn’t room for both.”

  “You don’t mean that.” Miska reached for her, but Adrienne stepped back. “Just like that? You could throw away all the years we’ve had together? Because I want to know my father?”

  “He was never. Our. Father.” Her teeth clenched together, lips revealing the polished hatred within. “You’re the one throwing me away. And for what? A man who’ll abandon you again? Just wait. It’s coming.”

  “No.” He took a step closer, and Adrienne retreated further. “I’m a different man. I would never—”

  Her sister turned her shoulder on him. “What is it, Miska? Who goes?”

  “Adrienne.” The name released her anguish. “Please.”

  “Who, Miska?”

  How could she pick? Adrienne was the only sister she’d ever known. She’d never been perfect, but they were sisters. They’d been roommates. They’d picked each other up when things went wrong. They’d shared the same kitchen, the same condo, had loved the other despite their differences. Could she give that up? “I won’t choose.”