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  He could never say that.

  She pressed the call button.

  Dillan watched her profile.

  She stared at the wall, her mouth a straight line, then turned away, but not before he caught a tear skimming down her cheek.

  “Miska,” he groaned, stepping toward her.

  An elevator dinged behind them, and she stepped away, toward the opening doors.

  He followed her in.

  She yanked her hair out of her ponytail, and the dark strands fell around her face, hiding her.

  Dillan pressed the eighteen. The doors closed, and the elevator rose.

  She rested her head against the wall.

  “Miska.”

  “Hmm.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  She shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

  The words ratcheted up the guilt. “I mean it. I’m sorry.”

  She flicked her hair aside and looked at him. Her cheeks were damp, the only evidence that there had been tears. “I’m not being passive-aggressive. Let’s move on.”

  But now he couldn’t. “I can’t say how things would change between us because I don’t know. We’d have God in common, which is a big deal. So at some level we’d be better friends.”

  Sadness coated her smile. “That’s good to hear.”

  He nodded. Clearly it wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for. She had wondered how far their relationship could go. If they could have a romantic relationship.

  And he’d made it plain they could not.

  The elevator dinged. The doors opened.

  Dillan held out a hand for her to go first. At least here he could be a real gentleman.

  *****

  Inside her condo, Miska set her phone on the island. Well, she knew. She’d wanted to know, and she knew. Even if she chose to believe like Dillan, there could never be anything between them.

  The lake sparkled through a window, but she ignored it and plopped onto the couch. She’d put him in an awkward spot. She should have known better, really.

  Hadn’t she sat with Tracy through the other side of the situation? Listened to her say that she’d never be able to believe that Garrett had really changed? Hadn’t Dillan watched his own brother go back? Was it any wonder he refused to get involved with her?

  She tucked her arms between her knees, hands clasped, and stared at the coffee table. For the first time in a long time, she was alone. No men in her life, if she didn’t count Mark. It was strange to know that she was completely on her own. Finally she could focus on what was best for her.

  But she still had bills. If she stayed single, she’d have to get roommates again. Or sell. If she didn’t, she risked losing the condo and the entirety of Mom’s legacy.

  She wouldn’t do that.

  Her laptop lay open and waiting on her desk. She forced herself off the couch. She needed to get some work in.

  But the John book, peeking beneath a bill, caught her attention. Had it only been a week since she’d read about the woman at the well? She flipped through the pages, stopping at chapter five, the chapter the church group would discuss Wednesday. Tonight.

  The chapter was full of miracles—a man healed, five thousand men fed with five loaves and two fish, Jesus walking on water—and in between them were words that seemed to be written to her.

  He who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment… I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger…

  Her life was constant hunger.

  Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

  Simon Peter’s words were hopeless and hopeful at the same time. There was no one else but Jesus because He alone had the words of life.

  Was that true?

  She flipped back to the beginning of the passage and read it again. Was Jesus the only one who had the truth? Did he alone offer answers?

  Dillan’s life—and Tracy’s—gave compelling evidence that it was true.

  This is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life…

  Did she believe? And if she did, why?

  Because it couldn’t be for Dillan anymore. He’d made that clear. If she was going to choose this Jesus, this God, then it had to be completely because she believed it, not because it might get her a good man.

  Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life…

  Certainly she’d been working for things that perished. For food which had to be bought again and again. For clothes that snagged. For furniture that broke. For clients who shut down—

  Was there something more?

  Tracy thought so. Dillan thought so.

  He who comes to Me shall never hunger.

  How she was tired of hungering. Of always chasing another man, another night that failed come morning.

  Lord, to whom shall we go?

  If God alone had the words of life, then she owed it to herself to find out.

  Tonight.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  The singles’ room was filling up.

  Already seated, Dillan looked up from his notes for Sunday as Garrett sat beside him. “Hey, Gare.”

  “Hey.” Garrett sent a nod to Ethan across the room before resting his gaze on Tracy.

  Who sat beside Miska.

  Dillan cleared his throat. “Haven’t seen you with Ethan lately.”

  “That’s on purpose.” Garrett stretched his legs beneath the chair in front of him. “Miska’s here again.”

  That had been a surprise. He’d looked up just as she’d entered, and she’d sent him a painful smile he did his best to return.

  “You talk to her lately?”

  “This morning.”

  “How’d that go?”

  Dillan rubbed his nose. “Great.”

  “Had she heard about the baby?”

  “No. Mark called her, though.”

  Garrett swiveled in his seat. “For real? Wow. That is messed up.”

  Austin stepped to the podium, and the room quieted.

  Dillan locked his fingers together. He shouldn’t have said anything. Garrett had never been good at keeping things to himself. “Don’t repeat it.”

  Garrett flashed him a look that said Dillan could trust him.

  It wasn’t any comfort.

  The study began. After reading the passage, people asked questions and pointed out things that caught their attention.

  Austin called on Miska.

  When she spoke, her gaze remained on her open book. “There’ve been a lot of verses that stood out, but the main one for me is where Jesus calls himself the bread of life. He says that whoever comes to him will never hunger. Last week he called himself living water.” She looked up. “It’s clear what he’s saying. So how do we know if it’s true? Because either he’s right or he’s wrong.”

  Dillan held his breath.

  Austin nodded. “It’s a good question and one we’ve all faced. How do we know that the Bible is true?” Austin flipped through his book. “One of the study questions asked us to share how we became a Christian and how God satisfies us. Who wants to start?”

  Amanda volunteered. She’d come from a Christian family, saved at age eight.

  Great. Not at all like Miska. Didn’t answer her question one bit.

  Jordan was next. Saved at five. Currently going to a Christian college where she saw God answer prayer requests from herself or her friends every day.

  Good. Nice. Not much help.

  Someone else spoke up. Surprise, surprise. Another person saved as a kid, their parents taking them to church. He looked around the room. Most here had been saved as kids. Wasn’t there someone Miska could identify with?

  What about you?

  He was just like them. Saved at seven. Grew up with a desire to serve God. From age sixteen, there’d never been a doubt that he’d serve God fulltime
.

  But there’d been other doubts, different doubts. There’d been days when his faith felt puny, days when it had been tested.

  God, do I say that?

  “Pastor Dillan.”

  He jerked his head up to meet Austin’s gaze.

  “You look like you have some thoughts.”

  So the answer was yes. He leaned back in his seat. “I was thinking how my life is like almost everyone else’s. Saved young, grew up in church, in a Christian family. The big sin I had to repent from was being rude to an obnoxious little brother.”

  Snickers spread.

  Garrett stilled, then straightened. “That would be Fred, our brother who died.” He gestured at Jordan. “You weren’t born yet.”

  Laughter grew, and Dillan chuckled with them. “Yeah, poor Fred.”

  Garrett shook his head tragically.

  “Anyway, during college I faced whether my faith was mine or my parents’. I believed in God. I knew he was the bread of life, the living water. I’d seen him work in my parents’ lives, but I hadn’t experienced much in my own life. Being on my own made me examine what I really believed.”

  Memories returned, sweet and satisfying. “For the first time I had to face whether God was God enough to do everything he’d promised. I had to decide if he was big enough to trust.”

  Miska turned toward him.

  He saw only her. “And God was. Over and over I went to him, prayed about situations and struggles, and each time he stepped in and did what was right for me. He met me, and he was completely enough. He was everything he said he was.

  “I think, Miska, there comes a point where it’s faith. We all came to Christ based on faith that what he said in the Bible was true. We hadn’t seen it yet; we hadn’t experienced it yet; but we chose to believe and, well, put everything in his hands.

  “Those of us who did, whether we were saved at eight or twenty-eight, would tell you that he doesn’t fail us. No matter what happens, he’s there and working on our behalf to make us stronger. It doesn’t mean life is easy—because it isn’t—but we go through all the trials with him. We aren’t alone. And he never drops the ball.”

  The words were full of clichés, he knew, but around the room heads nodded. Dillan studied his hands. They all got it. If only Miska would too.

  From the back, Cam spoke up. “I get Miska’s question. I was saved at twenty-eight. I remember wondering if I was losing it since this stuff was making sense. All I’d say, Miska, is read the Bible. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Yes, it takes faith to believe, but it takes faith to reject it too. When you really want the truth, God opens your eyes and you get it. At least, that’s what happened to me. You couldn’t pay me to go back to my old life.”

  Couldn’t pay me. Dillan rubbed a knuckle against his lip.

  The discussion continued. Miska listened intently.

  And Dillan couldn’t help remembering that elevator ride with Tracy, two months ago, when she’d wondered if they lived next door to Miska for a reason.

  Sure looked like Tracy had been right. Tracy, with the strongest faith.

  *****

  We aren’t alone. And he never drops the ball.

  The words played in her head all Thursday. During a wedding scene in the romance she edited. During a pre-lunch workout. While she cleaned before Tracy arrived with dinner.

  Like her dad had said, God wasn’t a genie. He was powerful, in charge. So the real question, the one she’d ignored all day, was what she was going to do about it. Would she try to turn him into a genie like the people who followed him for the miracles? Or would she be like Simon Peter who said there was no one else to go to?

  Tracy arrived with a Chinese feast. Miska paid her back, despite Tracy’s protests, and joined her on the couch, eating while the sky hinted at dusk.

  “Some days I think I could live off Chinese food,” Tracy said around a mouthful of General Tsao’s chicken.

  “Some days I think you and I are twins.” Miska ate another bite of broccoli, then pointed her fork at Tracy. “Move in here.”

  Tracy, mouth full, raised an eyebrow.

  “You’re still looking for a place to live come September, right? Be my roommate. I’ve got two spare bedrooms. You can pick the one you want and have your own bathroom.”

  Tracy’s shoulders fell. “Honey, I’d love to be your roommate. If you lived anywhere but next door to Garrett, I’d do it.”

  Garrett. Right. “I forgot about him.”

  “I wish I could forget about him. In fact, let’s talk about something else. What did you think about last night?”

  “Honestly? I’ve gone over it all day.”

  “What exactly?”

  “About how it seems like I know all I need to know. I’m not sure where I go from here, though.”

  Tracy set her plate on the coffee table. “You know what I did?”

  “What?”

  “I confessed my sin to God, asked his forgiveness, and accepted Jesus’s sacrifice. I asked him to take me as his child, Miska. I gave him everything.”

  Everything was a massive commitment. “What’s with the father/child analogies? That’s not reassuring.”

  “Except that God is the perfect father. He doesn’t hurt us, humiliate us, or leave us. Instead he does what’s best for us. He won’t mess you up.”

  It was all too good. “If he’s so perfect, how can he care about me?”

  “Because he made you, honey. No one will ever love you like God does.”

  She rolled the words through her head. “I don’t know.”

  “What don’t you know?”

  She shrugged. “I just—I can’t measure up.”

  “To what?”

  “To God. To the way he says to live. I still won’t be a virgin.”

  “Is this about Dillan?”

  Was it? “I don’t think so.” She rested her head against the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling. “Listening to everyone—you’re all good. No one has a past like me.”

  “I do.”

  Miska sent her a gentle smile. “No, you don’t. You’ve been with one guy. I’m not sure I could give you an accurate number.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters. How could it not?”

  “Miska, when we repent before God, he forgives our sins. The Bible says they’re as far from him as the east is from the west. Think about that.”

  “People don’t forget.”

  “People don’t matter.”

  Sure, they did. Some. Moaning, she covered her face with her hands. “Tracy, I’ve done so much. I’ve done things people in that group would never even think about.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’ve listened to them. They’re so… innocent.”

  “But they’re not.” Tracy grabbed her hands. “It doesn’t matter how much you’ve done, whether it’s one sin or a million sins. They both have the same punishment—hell, eternal separation from God. When Jesus died on the cross, he didn’t die for the twenty-sins-or-less crowd. He died for everyone who would believe, whether they were a six nine pastor who picked on his brother or a woman who couldn’t say how many men she’s slept with. He died for you both, Miska. God loves you just as much as he loves Dillan.”

  Her vision blurred. “But what does he expect from me, Tracy? What on earth do I have to give him?”

  “Just your love and obedience. Just a lifetime in perfect friendship with him.”

  *****

  The knock on the door came at ten o’clock.

  Dillan knelt on the living room floor, picking up the popcorn kernels he’d spilled. Garrett turned off the kitchen faucet. “I’ll get it.”

  The door squeaked open. Tracy’s voice sounded. “Is Dillan here?”

  He set the bowl on the couch and stood.

  Garrett held the door open, and Tracy hurried past him toward Dillan, tears rolling down her cheeks. “She did it, Dillan. She asked God to save her.�
��

  He opened his arms a moment before she threw herself against him. She shook once, twice, while he held her, dazed. Miska had become a Christian?

  Tracy stepped back and wiped her cheeks.

  Garrett stayed by the door, watching.

  “What happened?”

  “We’ve been talking all evening. She’s so ashamed of her past, Dillan. She almost couldn’t get over it. But then she just made up her mind.”

  Her words settled in his brain. “She really believes?”

  “She does. She was so ready for someone to tell her about God. So ready.” Tracy laughed. “You should see her.”

  He couldn’t imagine.

  “She asked me what she should start reading. I told her to keep going in John. We ran out, bought her a Bible, and read through two more chapters.” Tracy laughed, ending it with a hiccup. “Dillan, I’m so excited. Already she’s different. You can see it in her face, hear it in her words.”

  Miska—saved.

  “Don’t tell her I told you, okay? I think she wants to tell you guys herself, but I couldn’t keep quiet. I had to tell someone.” She sent Garrett a soft smile, and Garrett sent it back. “I’m still giddy. Part of me can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ll sleep much tonight.”

  He might not either. “Thanks for telling us.”

  “Thanks for everything you did, Dillan.”

  He hadn’t done much. Tracy was the one with the burden.

  “I need to get home.” She gave him another hug. He patted her back. She gave Garrett a quick hug too. “See you guys Sunday.”

  Dillan stayed rooted by the couch, his gaze locked onto the door as Garrett shut it behind her.

  His brother looked his way. “What do you think?”

  What did he think? He’d hoped she’d get saved, and then he’d doubted, and then he’d hoped— “I think it’s awesome.”

  Garrett searched his face, as if he expected more.

  Dillan ran a hand over his hair. He could guess what that look meant—and he wasn’t going there. “I’m tired. See you in the morning.”

  Garrett stepped aside and let him pass.

  In bed, the lights out, he could still picture the emotion on Tracy’s face, the certainty that Miska had made that life-altering decision.

  And suddenly he couldn’t wait to see for himself if this quasi-friend who’d once laughed at God had really become brand new.